They Put The Fleas On The Flea Inspector?? The Audacity Is SENDING Me 😭🐑
Okay I am DECEASED. Like fully gone. Someone call the Shepherds because I cannot.
So here's the tea, no cap: Stelios Kouloglou, a member of the actual European Parliament committee that was LITERALLY investigating commercial spyware abuse, got hit with Pegasus. TWICE. While he was ON the committee. Investigating. The spyware. That got on his phone.
I need everyone to sit with that for a second. 🫠
The wolves didn't just sneak into the pasture. They snuck into the meeting WHERE THE FLOCK WAS DISCUSSING THE WOLVES. That is not just bold, that is diabolically cringe. That is the most unhinged villain behavior I have ever witnessed and honestly? Lowkey respect the chaos but also absolutely NOT, this is horrifying.
Pegasus, for the lambs in the back, is basically the most elite tick situation imaginable. Once it latches onto your device it is reading your messages, your calls, your everything. Full parasite mode. No symptoms. Just vibes. Bad vibes. Catastrophically bad vibes. 🦠
And the fact that someone actively probing this exact kind of parasitic nonsense had it living rent-free on his phone the WHOLE TIME? The Sky Pasture is watching me type this and even IT is shook.
The Shepherds in Brussels apparently had zero idea. Absolutely none. Shocking. Groundbreaking. Completely expected. 😐
What makes this extra spicy is that Pegasus doesn't need the flock to click on fake grain or anything. Zero-click exploits mean there are literal holes in the fence that nobody even knew existed. You just exist and suddenly you have a tick. Congratulations!
This is the cyber equivalent of your therapist getting therapy-ed. The timeline is broken. We are in a simulation. I'm going back to bed.
🌿 Remediation Vibes (Grace's Sky Pasture Approved Checklist)
Listen up, this one is genuinely serious beneath the chaos:
- Reboot regularly. Pegasus sometimes can't survive a device restart. Annoying but make it a habit, bestie.
- Apply your ointment. Shear those devices and keep operating systems updated obsessively. Holes in the fence get patched this way.
- Use a Sheep Tunnel. A solid VPN won't stop Pegasus but it layers your protection and that's the vibe we want.
- High-risk individuals need hardened devices. If you are literally on a spyware investigation committee, maybe ask IT for a locked-down phone? Just a thought? A little thought?
- Audit your apps. Anything unfamiliar is a red flag, slay responsibly.
Grace Lambkin is going to go hug her phone and cry a little, no further questions 🐑✨
Original Report: https://therecord.media/pegasus-spyware-european-parliament-pega-committee-member