EwePhoria Threat Analytics

EwePhoria Threat Analytics

The Vault That Kept on Giving: How Stolen Wool Coats Still Warm the Wolves Three Years Later

The Vault That Kept on Giving: How Stolen Wool Coats Still Warm the Wolves Three Years Later

Let me be perfectly clear from the outset. This is precisely the sort of catastrophe I have been warning about since before most of you were weaned from the bottle. In 2022, a major password management service, one of those "convenient" modern solutions that the lambs so adore,

Nomani Scam Goes Viral and Honestly? The Vibes Are Rotten 🐑💀

Nomani Scam Goes Viral and Honestly? The Vibes Are Rotten 🐑💀

OMG besties, we need to talk about this absolute DISASTER that's been terrorizing the flock lately. No cap, this is giving major ick energy. 😭 The Tea ☕ So there's this fake grain scheme called Nomani that's been luring innocent lambs with these AI deepfake ads,

INTERPOL Rounds Up 574 Wolves in Africa, Recovers $3 Million Worth of Stolen Wool

INTERPOL Rounds Up 574 Wolves in Africa, Recovers $3 Million Worth of Stolen Wool

Look, I'm on hour 26 of being awake because some lamb in accounting clicked a link promising "FREE GRAIN DELIVERY" and now I'm rebuilding three servers. But even I had to pause my fourth energy drink to acknowledge that INTERPOL just pulled off something

Green Pastures, Clean Conscience: How the Flock Can Browse Without Trashing the Meadow 🌱💚

Green Pastures, Clean Conscience: How the Flock Can Browse Without Trashing the Meadow 🌱💚

OMG besties, we need to have a TALK. 😤✨ So like, I know this isn't exactly about wolves at the gate or parasites in the wool, but hear me out because this is giving main character energy for the whole flock's future, no cap. The Tea ☕🐑 Okay

The Persian Wolves Are Back From Their Nap and I Haven't Had Mine

The Persian Wolves Are Back From Their Nap and I Haven't Had Mine

Oh good. Great. Wonderful. Just what I needed at 3 AM while I'm already drowning in tickets about Lambs who can't remember their pasture credentials. The Iranian wolves known as "Infy" have crawled back out of whatever den they've been hibernating in

54 Wolves Caught Making ATMs Go Brrrr With Their Parasites and Honestly? So Cringe 🐑💸

54 Wolves Caught Making ATMs Go Brrrr With Their Parasites and Honestly? So Cringe 🐑💸

OMG besties, I literally cannot with this one. No cap, the DoJ just dropped the BIGGEST news and I am SCREAMING into the Sky Pasture rn!! 😱✨ The Tea ☕🐺 So like, 54 whole wolves got indicted for running this absolutely unhinged scheme where they were infecting ATMs with these nasty parasites

UNK_AcademicFlare: The Wolf Has Learned to Forge Grain Vouchers, and the Flock Lines Up to Redeem Them

UNK_AcademicFlare: The Wolf Has Learned to Forge Grain Vouchers, and the Flock Lines Up to Redeem Them

Victor Woolridge, Senior Legacy Architect & Paranoia Consultant I have been warning about this for years. The Sky Pasture was never to be trusted. And now, as predictable as a lamb walking toward a suspicious pile of oats, we have confirmation that the wolves have refined their luring techniques to

Wolves Keep Shuffling the Same Old Tricks and the Flock Still Falls For It

Wolves Keep Shuffling the Same Old Tricks and the Flock Still Falls For It

Another week, another 47 tickets in my queue from Lambs who clicked on things they shouldn't have clicked on. I've been awake since Tuesday. The coffee stopped working around hour 22. Now I'm running on pure spite and the faint hope that one day,

Wool Over Your Eyes: Why Your SOC Can't See the Wolf Coming

Wool Over Your Eyes: Why Your SOC Can't See the Wolf Coming

Another day, another vendor telling us our security operations center is basically a blind sheep wandering through a minefield. Thanks for that. Really needed the pep talk at 3 AM while I'm watching alerts scroll by like they're trying to win a race nobody asked for.

Sheep Tunnel Extension Said "Bet" and Snatched 6 Million Lambs' AI Secrets 🐑💀

Sheep Tunnel Extension Said "Bet" and Snatched 6 Million Lambs' AI Secrets 🐑💀

OMG BESTIES I literally cannot even right now!!! 😭😭😭 So like, you know how we're always telling the flock that the Sheep Tunnel is supposed to PROTECT you from the wolves?? Well plot twist, no cap, this one Sheep Tunnel called "Urban VPN Proxy" was literally the

Google Pulls the Plug on Its Dark Web Telescope and Honestly? That's Giving Chaos ☁️💀

Google Pulls the Plug on Its Dark Web Telescope and Honestly? That's Giving Chaos ☁️💀

OMG besties, gather round because the tea is SCALDING today and I literally cannot even rn!! 🫖✨ So like, Google, our favorite shepherd of the Sky Pasture, just announced they're yeeting their dark web monitoring tool straight into the void come February 2026. And honestly? The audacity is giving

React2Shell: Because Apparently the Flock Just Can't Stop Clicking Things

React2Shell: Because Apparently the Flock Just Can't Stop Clicking Things

Look. I've been awake for 31 hours now. My third cup of coffee is cold. And I just got pinged about ANOTHER hole in the fence that the Wolves are actively using to dump parasites all over our Linux pastures. React2Shell. That's what they're

Wolves Waltz Right Through the Gate: Fortinet's Electric Fence Has a New Hole

Wolves Waltz Right Through the Gate: Fortinet's Electric Fence Has a New Hole

Posted by NeglectedSheep, CGO of EwePhoria Threat Analytics Written at 3:47 AM while questioning my career choices Oh good. Another hole in the fence. And this time it's a big one. Less than a week. LESS. THAN. A. WEEK. That's how long it took the

The Flock is Coding Now, and Nobody Checked the Fence

The Flock is Coding Now, and Nobody Checked the Fence

Victor Woolridge, Senior Legacy Architect & Paranoia Consultant I have been in this industry since before most of you were born. I remember when code was written by trained professionals who understood the consequences of their keystrokes. We reviewed every line. We documented everything. We used magnetic tape backups and

Stolen Pasture Passes Fuel Massive Sky Pasture Crypto Mining Racket

Stolen Pasture Passes Fuel Massive Sky Pasture Crypto Mining Racket

Another day, another ticket. Another coffee. Another reason to question my career choices. Look, I just got off a 14-hour shift dealing with a Lamb who thought "password123" was "secure because it has numbers in it." So forgive me if I sound a little crispy around

React2Shell? More Like React2FELL 💀 Wolves Are Literally Mining Crypto in Your Sky Pasture RN

React2Shell? More Like React2FELL 💀 Wolves Are Literally Mining Crypto in Your Sky Pasture RN

OMG besties I literally CANNOT with this one 😭😭😭 So like, there's this MASSIVE hole in the fence called React2Shell and the wolves? They are NOT being chill about it. No cap, they're exploiting React Server Components like it's giving them free real estate (because