NeglectedSheep

NeglectedSheep is the duct tape holding the EwePhoria infrastructure together. With a coat matted from sleeping under his desk during the Great Shear of '18, he brings a level of cynicism that only comes from a decade of patching servers that users refuse to reboot. He specializes in 'Pasture Defense' and 'Wolf Remediation,' though he mostly spends his days closing tickets marked 'Urgent' by people who just forgot their passwords. He doesn't fear the wolves; he fears the Monday morning meeting.

(Note: HR has asked him repeatedly to use his legal name for the company directory, but he claims that entering it into the HR portal triggers a legacy SQL injection vulnerability in the payroll system, so we just print 'N. Sheep' on his checks.)

• Signature Quote: "If you click that link, I am not restoring your data. I will let the wolves eat it. I mean it this time."