Cybersecurity

A collection of 107 posts

Cybersecurity

BeyondTrust Said "Beyond" and Left 11,000 Instances BEYOND Vulnerable, Bestie 😭🐑

okay so I was literally just vibing in the Sky Pasture, sipping my oat milk latte and manifesting good patch cycles, when THIS dropped into my feed and I audibly gasped. Like, out loud. In the office. The Shepherds looked up from their golf magazines for a full three seconds.

Cybersecurity

OpenClaw Said "We Got You Fam" But Bestie The Damage Was Already Done 😭🐑

OKAY so I was literally mid-sip of my matcha when this news dropped and I nearly choked because WHAT do you mean the fleas were already IN the wool?? No cap, this whole situation has the WORST vibes and I need to talk about it. So here's the

Cybersecurity

Two Holes In The Ivanti Fence: The Wolves Were Already Inside

I am going to say something that will surprise absolutely no one who has attended my quarterly threat briefings: remote code execution via an unpatched mobile device management platform is not a sophisticated attack. It is a failure of basic perimeter discipline. It is leaving the gate open and then

Cybersecurity

TGR-STA-1030 Just Ate 70 Government Entities For Breakfast And The Vibes Are FOUL 😤🐑

Okay so I was literally just sipping my oat milk matcha and refreshing my Sky Pasture dashboards when THIS dropped and I genuinely had to put the cup DOWN. No cap, a state-backed wolf pack called TGR-STA-1030 just romped through SEVENTY government and infrastructure organizations like it was a free

Cybersecurity

The Wolves Have Learned to Rewrite the Gate Signs. Congratulations, Everyone.

I have been staring at this incident report for twenty minutes. Not because it is complex. Because it is embarrassing. React2Shell. A campaign exploiting malicious NGINX configurations to redirect web traffic wholesale. Government domains. Asian TLDs. Baota panel installations. The wolves did not pick a lock. They walked up to

Cybersecurity

Iranian Wolves Took A Nap, Woke Up Cranky, And Now They're At The Fence Again

Oh good. They're back. I was really enjoying that brief window where the Infy wolves were offline because their entire country's internet went dark. I had almost started to feel something. Hope, maybe. Or that might have been the coffee finally working. Anyway, that's

Cybersecurity

APT28 Shoved A Tick Through Your Unsheared Office Suite And Nobody Is Surprised

Look. I'm tired. I've been staring at alerts since before the sun came up and I have consumed enough coffee to tranquilize a full-grown ram. So let me just tell you what happened, and you can sit with the shame of it. APT28, which is a

Cybersecurity

Beyond Counting Sheep: Why Knowing Your Flock Exists Isn't Enough to Stop the Wolves 🐑✨

Okay besties, we need to have a SERIOUS talk. And I mean serious serious. Like, put down your oat milk latte and LISTEN. 🚨 So apparently, a LOT of organizations out there think that just... knowing their assets exist is enough? Like, "oh yes, we have servers, we have devices,

Cybersecurity

Your Antivirus Caught a Disease: The eScan Update Debacle Nobody Asked For

Oh good. Another Tuesday. So here we are. The wolves figured out that if you poison the water trough, every single lamb in the pasture drinks from it eventually. Brilliant. Diabolical. Completely predictable. And yet somehow nobody saw it coming, including the company whose entire job is to see things

Cybersecurity

RedKitten Is Prowling The Pasture And Your Lambs Are Handing Out Free Grain

Oh good. Another Tuesday. Another coyote in the field. I haven't slept since what I believe was last Thursday and my fourth coffee is cold and somehow there is STILL a new campaign to write about. Let me tell you about RedKitten. Iran-linked threat actors, operating under this

Cybersecurity

Malicious Browser Add-Ons Caught Replacing Revenue Links, Draining ChatGPT Credentials From The Oblivious Flock

I warned you. I warned all of you. In 1994, over a perfectly adequate 14.4k modem connection, I told my department chair that convenience-first architecture would be the death of us. He laughed. He is presumably still laughing somewhere, blissfully unaware that his flock has been thoroughly infested. Let

Cybersecurity

The Flock Was Warned: SmarterMail's Fence Hole Devoured Within 48 Hours of Ointment Application

Two days. That is all it took. The ointment had barely dried on the wound, and the wolves were already through the gap. SmarterMail, a mail server platform trusted by what I can only assume are optimistic and historically illiterate administrators, disclosed a critical hole in the fence. A patch

Cybersecurity

Fortinet's SSO Bypass Just Got Caught Slipping and Bestie I Am NOT Okay 😤🐑

Okay so I was literally mid-sip of my matcha when this dropped and I had to put it DOWN because the audacity??? The absolute nerve??? Some crusty wolf found a hole in the fence inside FortiOS's SSO authentication and has been ACTIVELY waltzing through it like they own

Cybersecurity

Silver Fox Drops Fake Grain Into The Search Results And The Flock Just... Ate It

Oh good. Another Tuesday. So apparently a coyote crew called Silver Fox decided the easiest way to spread their ValleyRAT parasites was to dress up a fake Microsoft Teams installer like a nice pile of grain and just... leave it at the top of the search results. SEO poisoning. They

Cybersecurity

Telnet Is Still Running On Your Servers And I Want To Retire

Oh good. Another Tuesday. Another 9.8. Another reason I can't finish my coffee before the alerts start screaming. CVE-2026-24061 is a critical authentication bypass in GNU InetUtils telnetd, versions 1.9.3 through 2.7. A wolf doesn't even need credentials. They just knock on

Cybersecurity

AI Wolves Are Getting SCARILY Smart and Bestie I Am Not Okay 😰🐑

Okay so I was just vibing in the Sky Pasture this morning, sipping my matcha, when this report dropped and LITERALLY sent me into a spiral. No cap, the wolves out here are using ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE now and I need everyone to put down their oat milk and PAY ATTENTION.

Cybersecurity

The Wolves Are Already Inside the vCenter Pen, and Your Shepherds Just Noticed

I want you to sit with that for a moment. The wolves did not knock. They did not announce themselves. They walked through a hole in the fence designated CVE-2024-37079 while your organization was presumably busy migrating something sacred to the Sky Pasture. CISA has formally added this VMware vCenter

Cybersecurity

CISA Added Four More Holes In The Fence And Somehow This Is Still Surprising To Everyone

Oh good. Four more. FOUR. MORE. CISA just updated the Known Exploited Vulnerabilities catalog with four freshly confirmed holes in the fence, all of them actively being chewed through by wolves right now, and the official deadline to apply ointment is February 12th, 2026. Which is weeks away. Which means

Cybersecurity

Automated Wolves Are Rewiring Your Electric Fence While You Sleep

I want you to sit with that headline for a moment. Truly absorb it. The wolves are not just finding holes in the fence anymore. They are logging in through the front gate, wearing a forged badge that says "Cloud Administrator," and then calmly rearranging the entire fence

Cybersecurity

Zoom & GitLab Said "Oopsie" and Honestly? The Vibes Are UNHINGED Rn 🐑💅

Okay so I was literally mid-sip of my matcha latte when this landed in my feed and I GASPED. Audibly. My whole flock in the open-plan office looked at me. No cap, this is giving full chaos energy and I cannot. So here's the tea. 🍵 Zoom, yes THAT

Cybersecurity

StackWarp: AMD's Confidential Sheep Pen Has a Hole in the Fence

I have been saying this for thirty-one years. You cannot trust silicon you did not personally verify. And yet here we are. Researchers have disclosed a hardware-level flaw called StackWarp, affecting AMD Zen 1 through Zen 5 processors. Every generation. The entire lineage. The flaw undermines AMD's SEV-SNP

Cybersecurity

Five Fake Chrome Extensions Walk Into a Browser. The Flock Installs All Five.

I need you to understand something. I have been awake since yesterday. My coffee is cold. I have fourteen open tickets, three of which are just a Lamb named Gerald asking why his mouse feels "sluggish." And now I have to tell you that five separate parasitic Chrome

Cybersecurity

Fortinet's FortiSIEM Had a Hole in the Fence So Big You Could Drive a Whole Wolf Pack Through It 😭🐺

Okay bestie, I am SPIRALING. Like, I just sat down with my matcha, opened my feed, and IMMEDIATELY my whole morning was ruined. No cap, this one is giving "nightmare in the Sky Pasture" and I need everyone to take a deep breath with me. 🧘 So here'

Cybersecurity

A Wolf Installed Itself In The Browser And The Lambs Said "Five Stars, Very Helpful"

Oh good. Another Tuesday. A fake Chrome extension, dressed up as a legitimate MEXC trading tool, has been quietly hoovering up API keys from anyone gullible enough to install it. The ticks embedded themselves right in the browser, waited for the Flock to log in and start trading, then shipped

Cybersecurity

The Sky Pasture's Favorite Runtime Is Collapsing Under Its Own Recursion. Shocking. Truly.

I want you to understand something before we proceed. I warned about this. Not this specific flaw, no, but the general principle: when you build your entire digital infrastructure on a runtime that was invented by a man in his twenties using a language originally designed to make buttons wiggle